I was wrong. Jesus is a lich.
It turns out that I was wrong about Jesus returning as Zombie Jesus. He in fact becomes a Lich.
A lich is a person who has attached their consciousness to their corpse. This means the corpse is baring the damage prior to death. They also command hordes of undead and raise people from death. These all fit perfectly with the Jesus character.
A Zombie is a brain dead animated corpe that attacks the living. This is nothing like Jesus.
This has been a retraction and that is all. Here is the image that prompted this:
Fuck off, Christians.
I can’t deal with this anymore. The complete delusion and utter stupidity of the religious needs to be dealt a heavy hand. If you are a Christian, you must at least accept a few things as true from this list:
- Immaculate conception
- Virgin birthing
- Talking snakes & donkeys
- A bush on fire that doesn’t burn and god comes out of it
- Angels and Demons
- Resurrection
- Dragons, Cherubs, Golems, Leviathan & Satyrs
- Miracles performed by Jesus
The problem that you are faced with here, is that in accepting any of these things you are admitting that you believe crazy shit because all of that is absolutely bat shit crazy. There is no argument that you can make for you to seem sane in believing any of these things.
Now, the reason for all this is because of the current debate around gay marriage. It seems that Christians believe they have some right over marriage. They think Christianity invented the idea of marriage and this gives them the right to be bigoted fuck-wits. It is horrible to deny someone a right because of their NATURAL sexuality. There is no choice when it comes to sexuality, you are born that way.
If Christians want to use their ancient book written by Middle Eastern goat herders as a means to discriminate against people because of their nature, then they better follow all of its rules. In Leviticus where it says “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” Is the same chapter that says it is an abomination to eat pigs and shellfish. So you better stop eating those things because according to your God; eating pig or shellfish is equivalent to homosexuality.
Now fuck off, Christians, and let humanity grow beyond the deluded restraints of religion.
Zombie Jesus versus Chocolate Laying Rabbit.
My understanding of why Christians celebrate the death of Jesus and the resurrection of zombie Jesus is as follows.
God created everything. God created man from dust or sand or whatever you want to translate it as. Then God created woman from one of man’s ribs. This all knowing god had them living in a garden full of awesomeness but, in it, he placed a talking snake and a tree bearing fruit that he banned the humans from eating. I will state it again; he is an ALL KNOWING god. He had to have known that the talking snake was going to convince the humans to eat the fruit from the tree. He acts all surprised when it occurs and calls this “Original Sin” and kicks them out of the garden of awesomeness.
From now on every human born is born into sin. This went on for around 6000 years, or however long the craziest of Christians believe is the age of the earth, and he thought he would help humans resolve the mistake he knowingly made them make. He broke one of his commandments and committed adultery, and magic rape, and impregnated a girl named Mary with his child, or himself… This child was pretty amazing, he could do all sorts of magical things and was mostly a really good person.
After living for around 30 years he had to go and sacrifice himself to clean humans of their sins. This brings us to “Good” Friday. On that day Jesus was crucified, therefore “dying for our sins,” or something. Then he was put in a tomb with a massive boulder that weighed a shit tonne. A couple of days later he somehow was raised from the dead to become zombie Jesus.
He then moved the boulder, did some things around town and after that ascended to heaven, or space, or whatever.
In short, God created original sin. Then, to repair the thing he condemned humans to, he forced a woman to give birth to himself or his son, so that he could remove the sin that he himself had originally condemned humans to, but to do this his son/himself had to be murdered in a gruesome fashion.
This is completely fucking retarded. If you believe this, then I believe that you are a gullible idiot. This is no longer what Easter is all about, just as Christmas is no longer about the birth of this mythical god man.
There is this article on the Sydney Morning Herald website that is saying it is sad that a large majority of Australia children have no idea what Easter is about. They just think it is a day a magical rabbit lays chocolate eggs for them to eat. The concern in this article is that they are not learning an important life story about sacrifice or similar.
There is absolutely no way I would ever want to tell my children the religious story of Easter. First, it is completely stupid and religion in general is moronic. Second, It’s not a child friendly story.
Meanwhile, I will happily tell my children about a rabbit that distributes chocolate for no reason but to give. Because giving people gifts they enjoy is awesome.
There are much nicer and constructive ways to teach ethics and morality to your children. If you think telling them the bizarre Jesus story, is in any way beneficial to them then you are deluded.
Easter is now about spending time with friends and family and, as Bunnings likes to suggest, getting some work done around the house.
