Zombie Jesus versus Chocolate Laying Rabbit.

My understanding of why Christians celebrate the death of Jesus and the resurrection of zombie Jesus is as follows.

God created everything. God created man from dust or sand or whatever you want to translate it as. Then God created woman from one of man’s ribs. This all knowing god had them living in a garden full of awesomeness but, in it, he placed a talking snake and a tree bearing fruit that he banned the humans from eating. I will state it again; he is an ALL KNOWING god. He had to have known that the talking snake was going to convince the humans to eat the fruit from the tree. He acts all surprised when it occurs and calls this “Original Sin” and kicks them out of the garden of awesomeness.

From now on every human born is born into sin. This went on for around 6000 years, or however long the craziest of Christians believe is the age of the earth, and he thought he would help humans resolve the mistake he knowingly made them make. He broke one of his commandments and committed adultery, and magic rape, and impregnated a girl named Mary with his child, or himself… This child was pretty amazing, he could do all sorts of magical things and was mostly a really good person.

After living for around 30 years he had to go and sacrifice himself to clean humans of their sins. This brings us to “Good” Friday. On that day Jesus was crucified, therefore “dying for our sins,” or something. Then he was put in a tomb with a massive boulder that weighed a shit tonne. A couple of days later he somehow was raised from the dead to become zombie Jesus.

He then moved the boulder, did some things around town and after that ascended to heaven, or space, or whatever.

In short, God created original sin. Then, to repair the thing he condemned humans to, he forced a woman to give birth to himself or his son, so that he could remove the sin that he himself had originally condemned humans to, but to do this his son/himself had to be murdered in a gruesome fashion.

This is completely fucking retarded. If you believe this, then I believe that you are a gullible idiot. This is no longer what Easter is all about, just as Christmas is no longer about the birth of this mythical god man.

There is this article on the Sydney Morning Herald website that is saying it is sad that a large majority of Australia children have no idea what Easter is about. They just think it is a day a magical rabbit lays chocolate eggs for them to eat. The concern in this article is that they are not learning an important life story about sacrifice or similar.

There is absolutely no way I would ever want to tell my children the religious story of Easter. First, it is completely stupid and religion in general is moronic. Second, It’s not a child friendly story.

Meanwhile, I will happily tell my children about a rabbit that distributes chocolate for no reason but to give. Because giving people gifts they enjoy is awesome.

There are much nicer and constructive ways to teach ethics and morality to your children. If you think telling them the bizarre Jesus story, is in any way beneficial to them then you are deluded.

Easter is now about spending time with friends and family and, as Bunnings likes to suggest, getting some work done around the house.